Second Life,where men are men and women are women, almost, maybe, I cann’t tell?

Second Life,where men are men and women are women, almost, maybe, I cann’t tell?


Second Life is a virtual world where one can be almost anything one desires. One selects an Avatar to represent them in this virtual world. The Avatar can be male, female, or totally non-human. Its pretty much up to your imagination and how much money you are willing to spend. The Avatar is an extension of you in the virtual world but no one knows who is behind the Avatar. Think of it as a giant costume ball. All you can see is the outside costume. People can only know who you are if you reveal yourself to them. In Second Life you never really know whom you are taking to unless they are willing to tell you who they are in Real Life. So what does this have to do with romance? Well an interesting thing is happening in Second Life. You have a number of men who are straight in the Real World assuming female Avatars in Second Life. Now lets drop the whole issue of dating or having virtual sex with someone who is the same sex as you are in the real world. Others have covered this pretty well in blogs past. What I find interesting from a romance angle is that several men I have talked to run around as super glamorous females because that is how they can get attention. Guys in virtual worlds are much like guys in the real world. They seem to be attracted to physical beauty. It does not matter that anyone can purchase beautiful Avatar for fewer than 50 US dollars. Men are hard wired to focus on visual appearance.

Well if you define romance, as relationships that make one feel better about themselves, then being able to command attention or become the center of attention is appealing. The virtual reality may not be real. But the recognition and attention most certainly are real. I travel the virtual world of Second Life as a raccoon looking character called IB WISE. I am what people in Second Life call a Furry. I stay this way because I am ignored many times and it makes it easier to observe behavior. I have seen a lot of people doing many things in Second Life just to get attention. The ones who act out and disrupt thing have even been given a name, “grifters”. In romance we want attention. Is it really that much different for the grifters or men using female avatars to get attention? How unromantic is it to be in a group of people and have no one notice you or pay attention to you. How romantic is it to be the center of attention at a grand ball or other function?

 Let me know what you think, leave a comment.


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6 Responses to “Second Life,where men are men and women are women, almost, maybe, I cann’t tell?”

  1. Fellatione Aabye Says:

    Quote <> Unquote

    Sounds like Real Life ….

  2. TheNerd Says:

    I have a female avatar and a male alt. I’m a lot smarter than many SLers, and I have the scripting skills to prove it. But when I have tits (in RL and SL), people just want to ask me out instead of ask me what my latest project is. Some people say that “women are treated nicer” in SL. True, but nice=harmless=not to be taken seriously, which isn’t any fun at all, and if I’m not having fun in SL I might as well not be there.

  3. Petey Says:

    So, is this guy in England who is getting divorced after twice getting caught in a Second Life romance really dating a boy or a girl? It said the avatar he was caught snuggling with on a sofa was female, but what if it turns out that it was really a guy in disguise. Geek love. We are soooo lame sometimes, I tell ya.

  4. Jose Says:

    first i made a male avata one even noticed not even said welcome to sl or nothing but when i made a female avatar i got like 10 freind request like in 3min, into the game then later that week a went into a nude beach with a friend they keep poking me with there woody & asking for sex.

  5. Darksnow Says:

    SL allows us to take who we are in RL, regardless of sex, and place that person into the shell, the avatar, of our choosing, of how we desire to be recognized and understood by others. Firstly, while dating is commonplace in SL, it is far from a dating world.. It is a fantasy role play world. Virtual dating does happen obviously.. but as someone whose primary and only av is a female av and this is the way that I role in SL. I do not exist for some woman with an agenda to get pissed at me, for the way my avatar looks and for being flirty and nice, when in honesty I tell her that I am a RL guy as the conversation develops. SL is like any other place on the Internet… you are at risk and defend yourself at all times.. this means emotionally as well. I don’t seek to hurt or date anyone on SL, though there are many dumb guys out there who are like dogs chasing cars when it comes to lesbians. If they caught one, they would have no idea what to do with her.

    What it comes down to folks, is decency and respect. Behind these avatars are real people, with real feelings. And ladies, if you get decency and respect out of anyone, with honesty to top it off, you might want to consider treating them in the same manner.

  6. J. Says:

    I’m a guy who uses a female av, when i first made her my intentions were not honourable (chasing the lesbian dream) but I was young and foolish and eventually left the lust behind. I ended up just enjoying being female, the fashion, the hair, the actions and behaviour… all the traits I admire in RL females I gave to my av.

    I tried making a male av but it really wasn’t the same, its wasn’t a issue of receiving attention but the lack of my imagination. I struggled to develop a character and a persona. I fall back on using my RL personality and image for my male av. This led to some issues of depression, I was being coming jealous of the av version me. It was like the virtual me is was succeeding where I was failing. I left SL and got my RL in order, but I missed my female av and life she lived.

    The sex of the av is my boundary between reality and fantasy, I don’t use her to live the life I want, I use her to live a different unattainable way of life, in away I just want to allow her to live.

    To me the romance is between me and my av, I feel as i’ve given her a life and must look after her.

    Guess I’m just odd and this is all probably off topic, but I’ve never told anyone before how i felt and this seemed a appropriate time and place.

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